No sorrowful moods or weather of gloom/ and no reason for coats and umbrellas
The sun is aglow and flowers have bloomed/Sandal Season has happened upon us
Pardon my poetic flourish, but “Sandal Season” is one of my favorite times of year—right behind Christmas, and Easter, when Hershey releases their Reese’s peanut butter cup eggs.
Sandal Season is the time of year when the weather is nice and women abandon their dreadful winter boots, in exchange for the more feminine and revealing summer sandal.
Gone are the “Orthopedic Uggs,” the “Dominatrix Knee-highs,” the “Equestrian Calf-huggers,” and the knockoff “Dunkey Rider” boots that prevail throughout winter.
The replacements of open thongs, closed back thongs, T-straps, gladiators, slingbacks, cuff straps, chappals, and bohemian sandals are put on display for all to see. (See, even the names sound sexy.)
Whether embellished or plain, sandals are an essential part of a woman’s summer wardrobe. Even a pair of “flip flops” can compliment an outfit—a nice “clean” pair of flip flops.
Of course, with open-toe freedoms come open-toe responsibilities. Foot care and maintenance are a must during Sandal Season.
Pedicures are nice, French pedicures are especially nice, and color pedicures that match an outfit are acceptable, but only on the day the outfit is worn. In other words, don’t come to work Monday wearing your “cookout” nail polish from Saturday—unless you wear a lime-green and orange pantsuit to match.
Sandals also complement the recent trend of women getting foot tattoos. As long as the tattoo is legible and doesn’t look like a “birthmark” or a “diaper rash,” sandals can provide the perfect showcase for such artwork. If your tattoo isn’t as legible, you’re probably better off sticking your “Gorbachev” foot into a regular shoe.
And every sandal isn’t made for everyone. If your “pinky” toes look like burnt candle wicks, you may want to wear a “strappy toe” sandal to cover those up.
As much as I like seeing women wear sandals, I have seen some that have been too extravagant.
I saw a woman at the park whose sandals looked like she had “Stevie Wonder” beads on her feet. They were moving and making noise—it sounded like someone walking into their grandmother’s living room in the 1980’s. (“Y’all kids, stop playing with those beads in there!”)
A tasteful pair of sandals can make a good first impression.
I once went on a date with a young lady who wore a pair of flat sandals with gold tips. They were made of brown leather and had curved gold plates at the tips of the toes, and gold trim on the straps. Those remain as the sexiest pair of sandals I’ve seen in person.
The young lady told me she bought them while visiting California, but I bet she got them from DSW or Marshals, and didn’t want me to know since I said I would get a pair for my next girlfriend—I mean, hey, she could have been my next girlfriend.
She and I only went on one date, probably because I complimented her sandals more than her.
And I’m still looking for those damn sandals.
Most of the sandals I’ve seen this season have been respectable. This seems to be the year of the “Crystal Princess” sandal, adorned with crystals, sequence, or rhinestones—as if women were inspired by 11,000 times they watched the Frozen movie with their nieces. (They couldn’t “Let It go.”)
I’ve also seen a few women wearing “gladiator” sandals with the straps tied all the way up to their shins, looking like they have a “David and Goliath” slingshot in their purse. But maybe that’s how they plan to get a man this summer—“tag’em and bag’em.”
It’s still early in the Sandal Season and things are looking good, but it’s wise to be mindful of the cardinal rule: When the footprints in your sandals look like “soot prints,” it’s time to get a new pair.
Lesson learned: Dirty foots make a dirty home.
