Confession: I haven’t given up on women who have “permed” or relaxed hair–but having dated women who’ve had natural hair has spoiled me.
My reasoning is simple: Kissing a woman on her neck when she has natural hair can taste like honey, or butterscotch, or brown sugar and oatmeal–while kissing a woman on her neck when she has chemicals in her hair tastes like licking a 9 volt battery: your lips go numb; your tongue tastes like nickels.
Or you can have the pleasure of her coming to bed wearing a headscarf that smells like sulfur and egg yolks, to which the most faithful salon-goer will protest, “My hair doesn’t stink. I use Carol’s Daughter.”
I’ve dated three women in the past seven years. The former two have had natural hair, while the most recent relaxed her hair periodically. I preferred the natural hair by far, in spite of some drawbacks.
The preparation and upkeep of natural and protective hairstyles can be extensive. I’ve spent many nights sitting on sofas, watching awful “reality” television shows or singing competitions with women as they pulled and twisted, and coated their hair with Shea Butter or aloe, or some cream or concoction that smelled edible. (Side note: Remember the “Rio” infomercials with Debbie Allen?)
The natural hairstyles kept the women preparing their hair late into the night, while the relaxed hair had to only be wrapped before bed and teased in the morning before work, if at all. In most cases, a simple brush-back and ponytail resolved most management issues.
So convenience is an advantage for Team “Chem-Trail,” but I prefer the healthier pH balances and kissable earlobes of the “Natural-nistas.”
I’m reasonable, so I understand some women are just more familiar and comfortable with the chemical lifestyle. Others have concerns about appearances in the workplace, especially in the awkward transition period; some don’t have time for the maintenance–and then, there are those who have been down with the “creamy crack” since J-U-S-T-F-O-R-M-E and don’t know (and may not want to know) another way.
I would never disqualify someone as a possible mate or dating candidate based solely on their choice of hairstyle, but I will say this: When I date women who have natural hair, there is far less “transmission fluid” on my pillowcases.
So if you don’t go natural for the sake of healthier, non-toxic hair–go natural for the sake of your boyfriend’s bed linen.
He’ll appreciate it.
Lesson Learned: Hair chemicals taste like nickels.
This message was brought to you by:
Bitter Tongue hair relaxer, “Bitter Tongue … Taste the Hydroxides.”
And … The Chemical Kitchen: “Frying beady-beads since 1947.”
